RIP DOLLY

This week, I wanted to pay tribute to someone who has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. The wonderful Dolly Parton.

Like many people, I knew Dolly first through her music. Her passing has prompted tributes from around the world, and rightly so. She was an incredible singer, songwriter, actress, businesswoman, philanthropist and, by all accounts, a genuinely kind human being.

My own first memory of Dolly goes back many years to Germany, where I was born to Army parents. I remember going with my Mum to the NAAFI (Navy, Army and Air Force Institutes) shop to buy a copy of Love Is Like a Butterfly. Mum and I were both completely obsessed with that song. It became one of those records that seemed to play constantly in our home.

Looking back, it was one of the moments that helped spark my lifelong love of music. Music was always important in our family. My parents introduced me to so many artists and records, and those memories have stayed with me throughout my life. It’s funny how a song can transport you back decades in an instant. Music becomes part of who we are, connecting us to people, places and moments we never forget.

Of course, Dolly’s achievements stretched far beyond her music. She wrote some of the most recognisable songs in the world, starred in films that continue to entertain new generations, and used her fame to make a real difference.

Millions of children across the world have received books through Dolly’s Imagination Library, encouraging a love of reading and learning from an early age. During the Covid pandemic, she also provided funding that contributed to vaccine research, helping efforts to protect communities during one of the most challenging periods many of us have ever experienced.

What I didn’t know until recently was that Dolly had also been an unpaid carer for her husband during his illness before he passed away. Caring for someone you love is one of the most rewarding things a person can do, but it can also be physically and emotionally exhausting.

Many unpaid carers will recognise the pattern. The person you care for becomes the centre of your world. Their appointments come first. Their medication comes first. Their wellbeing comes first. Their needs come first.

Before long, your own needs can slip down the priority list.

You put off your health check.

You cancel social plans.

You stop doing the things that help you relax.

You tell yourself you’ll take a break later.

The problem is that “later” often never comes.

One of the messages I regularly share with carers at Carers Centre Tower Hamlets is that looking after yourself is not selfish. In fact, it is essential. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

If we neglect our own health and wellbeing, eventually we have less energy, resilience and capacity to support the people we care about. Looking after yourself helps you continue looking after them.

That is one of the reasons we have developed so many opportunities through our Wellbeing Academy. Whether it’s joining a mindfulness session, attending a creative arts activity, taking part in our Garden Club, relaxing during a retreat day, meeting others at a peer support group, joining a dementia workshop, or simply dropping in for a cup of tea and a chat, these activities exist for a reason.

They provide a chance to stop, breathe, connect with others and recharge.

Many carers tell us they initially felt guilty about attending activities. Yet when they do, they often discover renewed confidence, new friendships and improved wellbeing. They return home feeling lighter, more resilient and better able to manage the challenges they face.

I think Dolly would probably have understood that.

She spent a lifetime caring for others through her music, her generosity, her philanthropy and, most importantly, through the care she gave to someone she loved.

So this week, as I remember standing in a NAAFI shop with my Mum clutching a copy of Love Is Like a Butterfly, I’ll also remember Dolly’s wider legacy. A woman with a remarkable voice, a huge heart and a determination to make the world a little better than she found it.

Thank you for the music, the laughter, the books, the generosity and the example you set.

And to all the carers reading this, perhaps Dolly’s story offers us one final reminder:

Make time for yourself too.

Because carers need care too