A Hesitant Celebration

This coming week is one of those weeks that should be full of celebration.

Monday would have been my mum’s birthday.

Tuesday is my birthday and, somehow, I will be turning 61 years young.

Wednesday marks my/our 10th wedding anniversary.

On paper, it sounds like a week of cake, cards, presents and far too much eating. In reality, life, as it often does, has decided to add a few extra emotions into the mix.

Mum’s birthday is the one that catches me out. There are moments when I can go about my day perfectly normally and then something tiny, a song, a memory, a smell, or seeing somebody who reminds me of her, brings everything rushing back. Birthdays are particularly hard because they’re a reminder of all the celebrations you can no longer have together.

I know many of you reading this understand that feeling better than most.

Then there is my own birthday. Sixty-one.

I’m not entirely sure how that happened.

In my head, I’m still somewhere in my thirties. My knees, however, would like to formally challenge that statement. They submit regular complaints, particularly when I try to get up from the floor or after I’ve enthusiastically started a bit of gardening.

Still, 61 feels like a privilege. Not everyone gets the opportunity to grow older, and despite the occasional creak, groan and mysterious ache that appears overnight for absolutely no reason, I’m thankful to be here.

Wednesday is our 10th wedding anniversary. Ten years. A whole decade.

Now here’s a confession. I recently discovered that my husband never actually got a slice of our wedding cake. Not one. Apparently, while everyone else was enjoying it, he somehow missed out on the cake from his own wedding.

Frankly, I think there may be grounds for an official complaint.

So for our anniversary I’ve decided to put that right. His present is a cake made especially for him.

What romantic message will be written on it, I hear you ask?

“10 Long Years.”

I think it perfectly captures the spirit of our relationship.

Whether he sees the funny side remains to be seen.

Alongside all these milestones, our family remains very worried about my Nephew.

Many of you know he has been undergoing treatment for cancer. This week he has been back in hospital after his kidneys started failing as a result of the chemotherapy.

If I’m honest, my partner and I naively thought his age would be on his side. We assumed he’d bounce back quickly and deal with it all better than the rest of us would.

How wrong we’ve been.

Cancer doesn’t care how old you are, how fit you are or how much everyone wants you to be okay. It’s been a difficult reminder that serious illness is serious illness, regardless of age.

We’re all hoping and praying for better news, and trying to take each day as it comes.

Perhaps that’s why this week’s celebrations feel slightly hesitant.

We’re grateful.

We’re thankful.

We’re trying to celebrate.

But we’re also carrying worry alongside the birthday candles.

The truth is that life rarely gives us emotions one at a time. Happiness and sadness often arrive together. Celebration and concern sit side by side. We learn to hold both at once and somehow keep moving forward.

Speaking of moving forward, can we talk about this heat?

Who ordered this?

As someone who recently managed to get a spectacular summer cold in temperatures that should have made viruses melt on contact, I can confidently say I have not enjoyed feeling hot from the weather and shivery from illness at the same time.

Please remember to look after yourselves. Stay hydrated, avoid overdoing it during the hottest parts of the day, and check in on friends, neighbours and fellow carers who may be struggling.

The good news is that cooler weather appears to be on the horizon next week, which I suspect will be greeted with the enthusiasm usually reserved for winning the lottery.

Before I finish, a couple of important shout-outs.

Carers Forum

Wednesday 19 August, 11am to 1pm

We’ll be sharing feedback from the Carers Annual Survey and the Wellbeing Activity Survey. This is a really important opportunity to hear what carers have told us, understand how your feedback is helping shape services, and have your say about what comes next.

You can join us in person or via Zoom, and we’d love to see as many carers as possible.

Canary Wharf Art Walk

Thursday 20 August, 11am to 1pm

There are still a few places available for our second guided Art Walk around Canary Wharf.

The first walk was a huge success, and it’s a fantastic opportunity to enjoy some fresh air, discover remarkable public art and spend time with fellow carers.

If you’d like to join us, please email wellbeing@ccth.org.uk.

As for me, I’ll be spending the week navigating birthdays, anniversaries, memories, worry, cake and hopefully slightly cooler temperatures.

Which, when I think about it, is a fairly accurate description of life itself.

Take care of yourselves, look after each other, and if anyone knows how somebody manages to miss their own wedding cake, please let me know. Ten years later, the mystery remains unsolved.

Until next week,

Tony ❤️